The image has been done for cards this year, kinda at the last minute. There was a reason I took to the idea of making cards this year. To begin with, well, this marks the end of a rather strange year. Let me tell you, its really something to have a slightly annoying holiday after having crisis after crisis for the past few holidays.

I work this year on Christmas day, and eve. Though annoying, I am yet able to feel light. Such a subtle thing, softly profound, but profound all the same. Like in the little picture, I don't feel emotionally wrecked to the point that I can't reach for the unreachable. Arphie cannot put the star on the tree, but he doesn't care and nor do I. It reminds me that sometimes, the point ain't the end, but rather is the process, the how and the reasons.

Now I'm not going to say what is and what isn't the way to be this holiday season. Last year I had severe bah-humbugs. Back then, I thought it was for no reason, that my Christmas was just.. broken. [link] Well, I suppose I had every reason to feel bad. Or rather, every reason to feel the effects of the year plus that had come before. Many things surrounding me seemed in the clear, on the right track, getting fixed and yet.. I didn't permit myself to open my arms to the onslaught of pressed back hurt. The sanctuary of strength and almost perfect silence melted me. I accepted it, then urged myself to wade through it, perhaps niavely, but in this case, I will not damn myself for hoping the best, for believing and holding to notions I thought I could trust.

People... People have their own lives. Sometimes even those who give so much without wanting a return, need some sort of sign that it meant something. Perhaps I once needed that, but somewhere along the way, the plank broke, giving way to immediate change in almost every way. I've not been around much on the galleries, or online much at all really, since early October when my life, once again, was shaken up like a soda can. I feel like I've been rinsing off soda ever since.

No matter the details and no matter the train ride of my own emotions and resituation of where I call home, one thing has stood out to me, that I have come home and been home, to myself, since before autumn. Its hard, and humbling, to realize you've lost yourself, even if it is to the better of someone else whom you love. It was seeing how much I'd strayed, last Christmas, that brought me to my knees.

Seeing where I am now, inspite of things I've had to face, makes me want to reach skyward. I'll confess, the reaching is a timid one. Often times I do feel uncertain. I'm.. not used to it as I once was, but its getting better each day. So this year I'll be counting my blessings and wishing a kind new year to those I know and those I no longer know.

Be gentle.

Art & character ©2005 Arphalia.